i dont know

Please forgive my lack of posts recently, and for upcoming days. My first three days back at school have been the epitome of anxiety, lack of sleep, stress, and overall craziness. 

Never in a million years did I expect my sophomore year of high to be this intense and difficult. I’m honestly terrified. I already had my first breakdown of the year in film today, and if I had one this early in the year, I don’t even want to know about the rest of the year. 

I’m at a loss for words really. I’ve been having so many lows, I’m going to have to call my doctor soon. Every low seems worse than the last, and honestly, I don’t know how to explain to someone who does not have diabetes what being low feels like. It irritates me when my mother ignores my lows as if she doesn’t know exactly how serious a low is. A low blood sugar is a million times more dangerous in the moment than a high. The most accurate description I’ve found for a low is feeling like I am dying, that is what dying feels like, you feel your life and energy and the essence of your being fade and disappear from your limbs and then into the rest of your body and your heart is hammering and it becomes more and more difficult to breathe and it feels like you’re dying.

My thoughts are scrambled tonight. I’m in dire need of sleep. 

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1 Comment

  1. Man, I remember being diagnosed in HS. After a few weeks upon returning after hospitalization, I experienced tons of lows and would rudely rush out during class lectures to the soda machine and gulp down a sprite in seconds hoping I’d survive. I didn’t even inform my teachers I had it (sort of reckless in hindsight). Truly a scary thing to constantly dip like that. One thing to talk to your doc about might be lowering your basal during school hours as you’re likely more active at school than life at home and thus are dropping due to an inflated basal rate.

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