It’s been a while, my wayward blog, but for once I return with pleasant news.
I’m getting there. I’m not faking it as much anymore. For months, my inner mantra was “Fake it till you make it”, because I learned from my books that if you fake happiness for long enough, you can trick yourself into actually being happy, and by God it worked.
I’m content. Not just happy, or ecstatic, because I am those as well, but overall I am content. I feel utterly at peace with myself and the current state of my life. This is not to say that my problems have all vanished; they are very much still present, and I am very much still struggling. I have, however, learned to cope with the struggles and not let them become so insurmountable that I feel like I’m drowning.
I’m talking to someone. Not Ex-Boyfriend, though he and I appear to be on speaking terms again after having filmed an event together this past weekend. That encounter did wreck my happy-train for a few hours, but I’ve recovered. If it’s meant to be, we’ll find each other again one day, I know it. Someone New is a private school boy, and while I heed the warnings from my close friends and peers, I’m taking this chance. My gut has never steered me wrong, and my gut is telling me to go for it with this one, so I am.
I’ve finished all of my college applications, I’ve done a few scholarship applications. My sugars are a mess, but I’m going to my endocrinologist tomorrow and hopefully they will be fixed. I’ve been editing my videography reel and I am amazed at how much I’ve progressed since the first time I ever picked up an EOS-M.
I’m proud of myself, and it is so liberating to be able to say that and mean it. I am content with myself and my own company, I am confident in who I am, and I’m taking the world by storm. I’m not ready yet, but I’m almost there. I won’t be faking it for too much longer.