A Letter; An Ending?

You gave me a false sense of security that I am beginning to truly resent you for. After years of listening to my situation at home, seeing firsthand the level of trauma I’ve undergone, witnessing my daily battle with diabetes, supporting me when my life crashed and fell apart all around me; everything was a ruse, wasn’t it? You never really cared about me, I was simply a pawn to you.

You promised me a future of working together and building an empire, but that dream was selfish wasn’t it? Your intentions were only ever to use me for your own personal gain.

Since the day I met you, you empowered and pushed me to become a determined and intelligent individual. You persuaded me to work hard and, more than anything, love to work. You saw potential in me that I still, to this day, sometimes fail to see, and you believed in me like so few other people ever have. But at the end of the day, none of that was sincere or honest or genuine or meaningful.

You threw it all away, without a single care or regret.

I told you a few months ago that if the program were to fall apart, it would be because of you. You’re making true to that statement more with every passing day.

You were my chest to cry on, shoulder to lean on, and steady hand of guidance, but now I can barely stand to look you in the face. You are not the man you were just five months ago. You are simply a shell of the person whom I handed my life over to.

I trusted you. I don’t trust anyone. I don’t forge close relationships with anyone. I save myself from any situations that may result in pain, and I took a risk with you and broke all of my self-imposed rules and you are simply proving why I have my rules set in the first place. You reminded me why I don’t let people in, why I shy away from physical and emotional contact, why I will always rather be alone. You took all of my insecurities and broadcast them to the world and I will likely never forgive you for that.

You were a role model and inspiration for countless individuals who now all stand in line to spit on you; for what? Ten minutes of passion? Risky touches and flirtatious laughs? Scandal? Everyone who ever respected and loved you to turn on you?

The future is in your hands and you have a very important choice to make that could potentially redefine everything we’ve done up to this point and everything that could have been. It’s me, us, the program, or it’s her. You cannot and will not have both.

You ruined everything.