Amor que mata

Doe eyed star gazer

You entered my life when I needed you most;

your blanket of comfort became my home,

your voice became my favorite sound,

your dirty hazel eyes became all I needed.

To you I said “Here,

Have a piece of my soul,

I know you’ll take good care of it,”

And you never let me down nor proved me wrong.

Now, I sit at your house with your mother and grand mother

Trading stories about your unreturned phone calls

And your latest school project.

With them I find comfort knowing I’m not the only one missing you

Like an amputee misses their lost limb.

There are times when I let myself slip,

When I think of you more than I want to

When the memory of you threatens to break me

When I lay on the couch in your living room

and it feels so normal, it’s almost home;

But it’s not home if you’re not here.

To my shepherd boy on his nineteenth birthday,

Thank you.

You saw me not for who I was, but for who I could be.

You taught me compassion when all I knew was pain.

You showed me that maybe,

just maybe,

I deserve more than I’ve allowed myself to receive.

In my thoughts of you, I always remind myself:

“How lucky I am to have something

that makes saying goodbye so hard.”

I will wait as long as it takes if it means I’ll never have to say goodbye again.

Happy Birthday.

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